Sixth Grade language arts page Problem-Solution Essay Aaron's Gift Test Prewriting
A typical afternoon, my track team meets at four o'clock for a normal lesson with running around a track and doing muscle-building warm-ups in the gym. Daniel, my brother needs to be at his piano lesson by four fifteen because his once a week practice is short and snappy. Little gets done at a thirty minute piano lesson, so he needs to be there extremely early. We have only one black car and a normal mom. How will we both get to our activities on time? Getting to your activities late is a annoying problem.
How can we be in two places at once? I have this problem when Daniel and I want to do a fun activity at the same time to be with our friends or we just can't find another time. Daniel and I also both have our activities on Monday because that is when we have the least activities and homework. Instead of getting stuck to have to be in two places at once why not sigh up on different days? Terrible causes can come out of this. Such as my mom getting nothing done so she is always in a constant rush to get everything done. Then she stays up to twelve o'clock doing her work and keeps us all up with the ear-blasting vacuum. Then when everyone gets up six hours later nobody wants to move or talk. Our mom also has a cup of bitter coffee that chocks us to the ground with its scent. Or all the kids could miss the buss, that never waits and be late for school that starts sharpy at eight ten. Nothing good comes out of rushing.
To ease things up our family should join activities with our friends so we can carpool. When we carpool, our mom only needs to take one kid to an activity and no one is late. Then she can do her work! We could make a chart listing the days when my mom needs to take Daniel to piano or me and my track friends to practice so everyone knows when they have to carpool. It works out beautifully! There is a backfire though, when our mom needs to take Daniel to piano, she still has to pick me and my friends up later, and drop them all off!
There is a way to fix that too! After our mom drives Daniel to piano, she can go to our grandparents which is conveniently right across the street from piano. She can do her computer work there and come to pick me up after track an hour later. Using the schedule, every week my mom can invite a few of my friends over and tell us we have to stay inside so she can do her work. She can also ask the kids parents who she carpools home if she can take only two or three boys a day instead of seven and take different ones home the next day.
I think this is a great solution because, my mom will not be stressed anymore and I will get to my activities on time and so will Daniel! Carpooling will make everybody happy and we will be a pleasant family like we should. Everybody should carpool. I have already started!
Ideas 4 Your problem is obvious, but your discussion of the effects and solutions are confusing at times.I would could have used more explanation of how your solutions work. Organization 4 The problem should have been restated at the beginning of the conclusion. Word choice 5; Voice 4 It would help to describe your examples more specifically. Fluency 4 not much variety in sentence lengths; Conventions 3 missellings and inconsistent point of view. At times you wrote in first, second, and third person!
Problem-Solution Essay
Aaron's Gift Test
Prewriting
A typical afternoon, my track team meets at four o'clock for a normal lesson with running around a track and doing muscle-building warm-ups in the gym. Daniel, my brother needs to be at his piano lesson by four fifteen because his once a week practice is short and snappy. Little gets done at a thirty minute piano lesson, so he needs to be there extremely early. We have only one black car and a normal mom. How will we both get to our activities on time? Getting to your activities late is a annoying problem.
How can we be in two places at once? I have this problem when Daniel and I want to do a fun activity at the same time to be with our friends or we just can't find another time. Daniel and I also both have our activities on Monday because that is when we have the least activities and homework. Instead of getting stuck to have to be in two places at once why not sigh up on different days? Terrible causes can come out of this. Such as my mom getting nothing done so she is always in a constant rush to get everything done. Then she stays up to twelve o'clock doing her work and keeps us all up with the ear-blasting vacuum. Then when everyone gets up six hours later nobody wants to move or talk. Our mom also has a cup of bitter coffee that chocks us to the ground with its scent. Or all the kids could miss the buss, that never waits and be late for school that starts sharpy at eight ten. Nothing good comes out of rushing.
To ease things up our family should join activities with our friends so we can carpool. When we carpool, our mom only needs to take one kid to an activity and no one is late. Then she can do her work! We could make a chart listing the days when my mom needs to take Daniel to piano or me and my track friends to practice so everyone knows when they have to carpool. It works out beautifully! There is a backfire though, when our mom needs to take Daniel to piano, she still has to pick me and my friends up later, and drop them all off!
There is a way to fix that too! After our mom drives Daniel to piano, she can go to our grandparents which is conveniently right across the street from piano. She can do her computer work there and come to pick me up after track an hour later. Using the schedule, every week my mom can invite a few of my friends over and tell us we have to stay inside so she can do her work. She can also ask the kids parents who she carpools home if she can take only two or three boys a day instead of seven and take different ones home the next day.
I think this is a great solution because, my mom will not be stressed anymore and I will get to my activities on time and so will Daniel! Carpooling will make everybody happy and we will be a pleasant family like we should. Everybody should carpool. I have already started!
Ideas 4 Your problem is obvious, but your discussion of the effects and solutions are confusing at times.I would could have used more explanation of how your solutions work. Organization 4 The problem should have been restated at the beginning of the conclusion. Word choice 5; Voice 4 It would help to describe your examples more specifically. Fluency 4 not much variety in sentence lengths; Conventions 3 missellings and inconsistent point of view. At times you wrote in first, second, and third person!
total points = 24 = B